Somebody To Die For
by swasje
Summary: A fic where everything in Season 3 happens but with a slight change. Sherlock falls in love with Mary.
1. Chapter 1

Mary Morstan… Mary Watson to be fair. I both love and hate having her in my life. Why, do you ask? I have my reasons. And those reasons I will never be able to tell anyone. Not even John. Especially John.

I remember seeing her for the first time. At the time I didn't really bother with her. My main concern was John. To finally show him I was still alive and what his response would be. I think it was wrong of me to think that he would welcome me back with a hug and a pat on the back right away though. I guess I was a bit too optimistic.

"Oh no! You're ..."

"Oh yes."

"Oh, my God."

" Not quite."

" You died. You jumped off a roof."

" No."

" You're dead!"

"No. I'm quite sure. I checked. Excuse me."

"Oh my God, oh my God. Do you have any idea what you've done to him?"

The first thing I remember absently thinking about her was that she was blonde. John usually dated brunettes. She was attractive though. Blue eyes, delicate features, appealing voice… And apparently worried about John, which I was glad for. That meant that she cared for him.

After the near-strangulation we were asked to leave the restaurant. I was a bit surprised that John took her with us when we went to the diner and asked me to explain everything. I figured that they were in a pretty serious relationship then.

"Oh, he would have needed a confidant ..."

"Mm-hm."

Okay it seemed that she was warming up to me. I was a bit surprised that she understood and tried to help me. I was grateful for that. John wasn't exactly making this any easier. Although I don't think she really appreciated me pointing out the fact that she didn't like his moustache either. One broken nose later and John was still cross with me.

"I don't understand. I said I'm sorry. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"Gosh. You don't know anything about human nature, do you?"

"Mmm, nature? No. Human? ... No."

"I'll talk him round."

"You will?"

"Oh yeah."

That took me slightly off guard. I wasn't expecting it and that intrigued me. Not many people can do that. I think my attraction started there even though I hadn't realized it at the time. I thought that I just wanted to like her because of John. Although I have to admit I didn't really try to do that in the past.

"_only child linguist Clever part time nurse Shortsighted Guardian Bakes Own Bread Disillusioned Cat Lover Romantic Appendix Scar Lib Dem Secret Tattoo Size 12 Liar"_

In hindsight I should've paid more attention to my deductions. And I'm not just referring to the fact that she put a bullet in me. But like I said, my attraction made me blind to these things. It made me blind to a lot of things.

The next night, as I was getting ready to eat my fish 'n chips, my mind went to Mary and what had happened the previous evening. Surely she would be able to make John see reason? She seemed confident enough. I just wanted things to be like they used to. Suddenly I heard a commotion downstairs.

"Mary? What's wrong?"

"Someone sent me this. At first I thought it was just a Bible thing, you know, spam, but it's not. It's a skip-code."

I looked at her closely. A skip-code? She really was clever I had to give her that. Once again I wasn't focusing on how she knew that. I was too busy being stumped over the fact that she just did. I tried focusing on what she was trying to tell me.

_Save souls now! _

_John or James Watson?_

"First word, then every third. Save ... John ... Watson."

_Saint JamesThe Less_

"Now!"

"Where are we going?"

I don't think I've felt this scared in a while. Afraid that I wasn't going to figure it out or that we weren't going to make it in time. I had spent three years away from John and I wasn't ready yet to lose him again so soon. Having said that, I was very much aware of Mary's arms around me and her body pressed against my back. It was distracting to say the least. It's not something you need when driving a motorcycle for the first time. But yet again, I dismissed it. It was only later that it started to make sense to me.

Finally it seemed that things were working out. John had finally forgiven me after a slight… persuasion from my side. And it seemed that Mary was here to stay. Which I didn't have a problem with at all.

"You will be there, Sherlock?"

"Weddings – not really my thing" I said, winking to let her know I was joking. It was true, but of course I wasn't about to miss it. The fact that Mary and I got along so well was something I was very grateful for. There aren't many people with whom I can manage that.

I wish things could've stayed that way. I wish that my feelings for her hadn't grown with time. How do you fall out of love with your best friend's wife?


	2. Chapter 2

Not long after we started planning the wedding and I started noticing that I was getting a bit… agitated. The more we talked about the wedding, the more I was dreading it. And I couldn't put my finger on why!

It wasn't the fact that John was getting married. I thought about that long and hard and I was more than happy to see John settle down. Mary was good for him. She had taken care of him when I couldn't and for that I was extremely grateful. If it had been any other woman then I would've been worried. But Mary was different. She didn't have a problem with us going on cases. She'd even offer to help us! No, John getting married wasn't the problem.

It couldn't be the speech. Well, I was having problems with it, but thankfully Lestrade helped me out. Even though he was moping about losing his chance of arresting… someone. I don't remember I wasn't paying attention. And I hadn't asked him to bring the whole of Scotland Yard with him! Also I wasn't really bothered with delivering the speech either.

I realized what it was one morning when I went to visit them. It was the first time we were going to discuss the wedding plans. Throughout the day there were moments where they would openly show affection towards each other. Giving each other soft smiles and kisses. There would be little touches here and there. He would brush his fingers against hers deliberately when she gave him his tea. She would put her hands on his shoulders when she was standing behind him and had to lean forward to look at something. And it made me feel a bit… jealous. Which surprised me to say the least.

I brushed it off until I got home and I started thinking about it. Maybe after seeing them together I also wanted to find someone of my own. Maybe I wanted what they had. But I just couldn't picture myself with just anyone. The whole idea of me being in a relationship with some random woman just made me pull a grimace. But I still wanted those kisses. Those affectionate touches. Like the ones that Mary gave. I loved the way she could so easily produce a smile. So genuine. So beautiful…

I gave a start. "No! Nooo, no, no, no." Was I… IN LOVE with Mary Morstan? The same Mary Morstan who was going to marry my best friend? No it had to be something else! Anything else!

But the longer I thought about it the more it made sense. It couldn't be undone. Unknowingly I had fallen in love with my best friend's fiancé. Oh, of all the people to finally fall in love with it just had to be her, didn't it?

She couldn't find out of course. Neither could John. I would just have to keep it to myself. Try to keep it a secret, because nothing could be done about it. I would just have to live with it. Trying to act as if nothing had changed proved easier said than done.

"Need to work on your half of the church, Mary. Looking a bit thin."

"Ah, orphan's lot. Friends – that's all I have. Lots of friends."

"Schedule the organ music to begin at precisely 11.48."

"But the rehearsal's not for another two weeks. Just calm down."

"Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm."

It didn't seem like I was doing a good job of keeping my agitation to myself.

"Let's get back to the reception, come on. John's cousin. Top table? "

"Hmm. Hates you. Can't even bear to think about you."

"Seriously?"

"Second class post, cheap card ... bought at a petrol station. Look at the stamp: three attempts at licking. She's obviously unconsciously retaining saliva."

"Ah. Let's stick her by the bogs."

"Oh yes."

"Who else hates me? Oh great – thanks."

She didn't need to know that I had made that list for myself did she? No, it was better to keep that part a secret.

I was constantly fearful that she would somehow read all of it from my face. She was already good at knowing when I was fibbing. That's why I was glad when John asked to go out on a case. He was tired of talking about the wedding and I was glad to be away from her for a bit. To focus on a case rather than the wedding.

"Just going to take him out for a bit – run him."

"You said you'd find him a case!"

Later I figured that if she hadn't noticed anything now she wasn't going to figure it out anytime soon. That thought relaxed me for the most part and I started acting normal around her. I didn't know how long I would be able to keep it up.

Wanting to do something special for them, I started composing. Something they could waltz on during the reception. You could call it a wedding gift. Much better than a punchbowl if you ask me. Of which they would undoubtedly get 3. At least. Horrible looking ones. Usually the ones they got for their own weddings that they needed to get rid of.

Starting work on it was bittersweet. I wouldn't say it hurt, but it came quite close. On one side my friend was finally settling down. Starting a family of his own. And on the other… well at least I knew that she would be happy with John. That I knew without a doubt.

I didn't begrudge John anything. I was happy for the both of them. But, since no one was the wiser, it wouldn't hurt if I envisioned myself waltzing with Mary instead of John. Imagine Mary smiling up at me as we waltzed around the room. I was happy to be in my own world for a bit.

And then Mrs. Hudson came along and started talking about marriage and the end of an era and whatnot. I didn't need all of this. I was already having a difficult time with my feelings for Mary I didn't need to worry about losing John also.

Atop of all that I find out about Mary's ex still having feelings for her and practically stalking her! Well that wouldn't do at all. Of course I made it clear to him that he needs to keep his distance. And if I came over as, what some people might call 'a jealous boyfriend' then so be it!

As if that hadn't been enough I got a glimpse of Mary in her wedding dress. The dress she was going to wear while marrying my best friend. The universe hated me.


End file.
